Thoughts & Conversations
by elephant0303
Summary: Sharon's thoughts after 3.13... and then conversations that need to be had. No longer a one-shot...
1. Initial Thoughts

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the evening…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for reviewing before I published. You rock! and thanks for the encouragement to actually publish this!

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Three weeks ago, I had scheduled the maintenance for my car so I wouldn't have to worry about it over the holiday with Emily and Ricky staying here. At the same time, I had made arrangements for Andy to pick me up from the shop and drive me to work. That was before everything happened. "What was I thinking? After everything that has come to light in the last few days, I have to be in a car with him alone and he'll want to talk about what happened." kept running through my mind as I was getting dressed. I still have a lot to process before we sit down to talk.

"Is there some trick to balancing your romance with your responsibilities? I mean how do you go out with my father at night and boss him around during the day?" Nicole's questions from two days ago is going through my head. How could we balance the romance with the responsibilities at work especially since I am his boss? I never even noticed how close Andy and I usually stood at work until Nicole asked me these questions. It was just comfortable for us and worked for us. And now my brain is racing in so many directions and I have no idea what I should be or want to be thinking…

What do I feel about Andy? What do I want our relationship to be? In getting divorced, I never thought I would be dating again. Marriage is forever… You commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life. There are no "do overs". That's one of the reasons that I stayed married as long as I did to Jack.

Last night's conversation before the Nutcracker brought some clarity to me with regards to my feelings about the relationship that we have developed. Unlike other relationships, this one has completely crept up on me. It has been years since I have been on the dating scene. Is that how I missed the signs for this relationship being more than a friendship? I do not want to lose the friendship that I have built with Andy, but I do not feel like I should be in a relationship with him – not just because he is a subordinate – but that I do not get a second chance at marriage because there is only one in a lifetime no matter how screwed up that one was. But then why did I bother to go and get divorced? Obviously, it was for being able to adopt Rusty. However, were there other reasons that I didn't realize at the time? What do I really think of and feel for Andy? When I was in FID, we were like oil and water. We just didn't mix. Over the last two years, we have realized just how well we work together and have become very good friends.

Am I actually dating and just didn't realize it? I am starting to realize now that there is something more to it. Obviously, Andy thinks we are dating. I never have felt the need to classify our dinners as not being dates after the conversation before Nicole's wedding. There are romantic feelings on his part. Now, I realize that is why he didn't want to clarify the situation with Nicole. I'm starting to realize that there could be more to this relationship on my part, too. I just did not realize it until last night. As Rusty so carefully pointed out last night, we have been dating for most of the last year.

Am I ready to risk my heart again? It has been taken, beaten up, and tossed out with the trash by Jack. The other relationships that I have had were more about companionship than love. Is it worth the possible pain of loss to try to love again? Can I find the courage to actually take this relationship to the next level of intimacy? The physical part doesn't scare me, but the emotional dependency does.

Does everyone think we are dating? The kids seem to think we are. Jack must have gotten wind of something with the question he asked Rusty earlier this year. I'm not going to ask the team what they think. Obviously, Taylor does not think we are or Andy and I would have been called into his office and I would be facing disciplinary action. I know as I wrote the regulation that says that I cannot be his boss if we are in a relationship. One of us is going to have to leave Major Crimes. I don't want to oust him from the job that he loves. I would transfer before he was asked to. That's one more thing that we need to talk about.

So how am I going to make it through the trip to the station with only Andy in the car? It's not like I can talk about the show from last night in any detail. I love the Nutcracker, but I was too distracted to actually pay attention to it. I really don't want to talk about the thoughts I have going through my head at the moment about our "relationship". Hopefully, he will not expect me to talk to him during the drive to work today.


	2. Initial Greetings

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the evening…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for dealing with my random ramblings this week and helping me to figure out how to put the ideas into words.

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 **Chapter 2: Initial Greetings**

 **Later that morning**

Andy was waiting for me when I arrived at the service station. He greeted me lacking his normal enthusiasm and grin with "Hey. How are you this morning?" It was almost as if he was waiting to see my reaction to his greeting before figuring out how he should act.

"Ok. Good morning," I replied. _Keep it professional,_ I reminded myself. "I'm going to go drop off my keys and we can go to the station if that is ok."

What little enthusiasm Andy was showing at this morning's errand dropped with my comment. I need to get this done and get out of here. Hopefully, he's realizing that I don't want to talk today.

I get the key dropped off and make arrangements to have either myself or Rusty pick the car up later today when it is done. I draw a deep breath and walk back outside.

Quickly, I walk towards the passenger side of Andy's car where he is holding the door waiting for me. He looks like he wants to say something when our eyes meet, but I quickly look away. I'm just not ready to have that conversation yet nor do I want to hear him apologize again. He shuts the door with a sigh. Then, Andy walks over to his side of the car and gets in.

As he is getting settled into his seat, Andy starts, "Sharon, I'm **so** sorry about everything that happened last…"

I cut him off, "Andy, you don't need to apologize again. I heard you the first time. I just need some time before we have _that_ conversation. A lot of things were brought to light last night and I just need some time to process it."

Andy slumps further in the car seat as he quietly responds with, "Ok." He starts the car and drives off. I really hope that traffic is with us this morning because I'm not entirely sure how long I can take the tension in the car. I should have just canceled the ride with him this morning and waited with the car.


	3. Dinner & Conversation

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the evening…

Real life, aka the end of the school year and starting physical therapy for a sprained ankle, got in the way this week and left me with very little time to write. Now, I understand how amazing some of you are as I had never attempted to write dialogue before. A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for dealing with my random ramblings over the last two weeks as well as reading to make sure I wasn't missing words. Happy Shandy Sunday!

 **Chapter 3: Dinner & Conversation**

 **About a week later**

Emily and Ricky are flying in for Christmas tomorrow and Andy is picking me up in fifteen minutes for dinner. I know we need to talk about the assumptions made by Nicole and/or him. We need to get this straightened out before Emily and Ricky get here tomorrow. In the last week, I've started to realize exactly what Rusty was talking about when he was talking to me about having to go to the Nutcracker and when he was explaining our relationship – according to him – to Nicole. I run my hairbrush through my hair one more time and put the brush down on my dresser and take a deep breath.

I'm thankful that Rusty is working late tonight. I'm not even close to calm about this dinner. I'm sure that he would pick up on it. That would lead to him making some comment towards Andy as he picked me up and would make this even more uncomfortable. I take another moment to glance in the mirror – hair is in place, make-up is done, and I can't find any random fuzz on my clothes.

As I walk out into the kitchen, my thoughts drift back to the night of the Nutcracker where everything that Andy and I have done over the last year was brought to light by Rusty as well as his thoughts about our relationship. It was with his words here, as well as on the way out the door, helped me to realize that I was already dating Andy without knowing it. " _We're not dating," I stated. "Several times a month," he replied._ _With that comment from Rusty, my feelings towards Andy became clear and I started smiling. I have feelings towards him that are significantly more than the friendship that I thought they were or I let him believe._ Thinking back over the last week, I have begun to realize that Andy probably shares the same feelings that I have and that scares me.

The knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts. I take a deep breath and grab my bag for the evening. As I open the door, I hear Andy's gasp as my eyes fall on the beautiful yellow tulips in his hands and I echo him.

"You remembered," I whisper when my powers of speech return. "Please come in while I grab a vase for them." I turn and walk to the kitchen to grab the vase that I keep under the sink thinking that he will follow me. As I turn around, I notice he still has not entered the apartment, but is just standing at the door with his mouth slightly agape. "Andy, do you want to come in?" I ask. He doesn't respond. "Andy!" I repeat raising my voice. This seems to startle him out of wherever he just went.

"Hey," he whispers.

"Hey," I whisper back. "Do you want to come in for a minute?"

"Sure," he replies as he steps in the condo and shuts the door. He clears his throat and continues, "Are you ok if I say that you look absolutely stunning tonight?" He seems so uncertain about what is ok to say or do tonight. It is nice to know that he is as nervous about this as I am.

"Yes, you may."

As he looked me over, his voice dropped, "You look absolutely stunning this evening, Sharon. I thought you might enjoy these." He held out the flowers for me to put in the vase.

"Thank you. They are beautiful," I replied, as I reached for them. My hand accidentally brushes against his. I move it away quickly as the sparks shoot through my body. This is starting to really feel like a date.

As I put water on the vase and put the flowers on the counter, I notice that Andy has grabbed my trench coat off the back of the couch. He kindly helps me into it and pulls my hair out from under my collar.

"Where are you taking me tonight? All you told me was that I needed to dress causal and not wear heels."

"It's a surprise. You'll find out soon enough."

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As the car comes to a stop, I look out and notice where he has brought me. It's not a restaurant, but a quiet spot on the beach. This will definitely give us privacy to have the conversation that we need to have, but makes me even more nervous.

"Are you ok?" Andy asks. "If this is too secluded, we could go somewhere else, but I wanted to be able to not have to worry about anything or anyone interrupting us tonight. I knew you wouldn't be comfortable if we did this at your condo or my house."

I just look at him. He's taken so much time to think things through. What happened to the impulsive hothead that I have worked with for so many years? Slowly, I start to relax and grin at him which he takes as my agreement of his choice. He gets out of the car and walks around to open my car door. I don't even go to touch the door handle any more. I guess more has changed between us in the last year than I had realized.

As Andy guides me towards the beach, I notice a small gazebo with a table and two chairs set-up with dinner on it. As I shake my head, I wonder if this was the errand that Rusty had to duck out for this afternoon. Andy is not holding anything back tonight. Andy pulls out my chair and I notice the candles and my favorite cold pasta dish that he makes. I sit facing the ocean and let Andy dish my plate. As we eat, we engage in small talk. It's as if the events of the last week never happened. That helps remove the nervous feeling of this dinner. I keep reminding myself that no matter where the conversation leads us tonight, this is not a date.

"So is this an actual date?" Andy opens the conversation that we need to have.

"No, it's not. We have not filled out the appropriate paperwork for this to be a date," I reply smirking. "You know how I love the rules."

"But you have 48 hours to report it, so I wasn't sure." _When did Andy start reading and paying attention to the policy handbook?_ flies through my head as I lift my brow at him. "Did you not think I wouldn't check it out? I know how much you like the rules and I wanted to be on equal footing with you regarding _this_ part of the conversation."

"I care about you, Andy, but I was blindsided a week ago. We need to have several conversations before this moves forward, don't you think?"

He ducks his head down, "I'm really sorry about that, Sharon."

"I know you are, but you know enough of my history with Jack to understand why it would hurt me to be blindsided like that, correct?"

"Yes. I would like to make it up to you by being completely honest about everything tonight. I do not want to hurt you any further than I already have."

"How did Nicole come to think that we were actually dating?"

Andy gulps, "Well… I never stated that we were dating. After the wedding, she just assumed and I didn't correct her. She seemed to see me in a new light thinking that you were dating me. I didn't want to damage that and then I just couldn't correct it by the time we got to the Nutcracker last year."

"LAST YEAR?!" My ability to stay calm just went out the window. I need to reign it back in if we are going to continue talking through what we need to tonight. Taking a deep breath, I continue, "I'm sorry. I'm just a little surprised. You are telling me at no time in the last year you could have somehow thought to clarify things with your daughter or to at least warn me."

"I didn't really want to. Are you ready to hear what I wanted to tell you in your office last week when I tried to tell you that I didn't want to talk to Nicole or are we going to just ignore it again?"

I hesitate in my answer because I'm not sure that I am quite ready for him to say certain things aloud that I've only started to realize. "I'm not sure right now. I'm really scared about what could be happening between us. I'm scared of the feelings that I'm starting to realize. I haven't had them in a really long time. How about I ask a few questions and you answer them honestly instead?"

"Ok."

"What made you think that we could possibly be dating or that I _might_ be interested in dating you?"

"Well, you did get divorced," Andy jokes. I'm half-tempted to pull out the Darth-ness just to get him to focus, but Andy wouldn't be Andy if he didn't joke when he was uncomfortable. This just confirms that he is as nervous about this conversation as I am. I decide to just shake my head a little bit. "I know that was about adopting Rusty. However, a small part of me hoped that Provenza was right when he confronted me about being the reason for your divorce last summer." I let out a small gasp. Andy had never shared that piece of information with me before. "Are you ok?" I nod, but keep silent as I let him continue. "Shortly after that conversation with him, I started reaching out to touch you more and I noticed that you were doing the same to me. Since the wedding, the first time you moved away from me either in the office or out of the office was the few days last week after you talked with Nicole. About the time I had that conversation with Provenza, you stopped telling me that our dinners and stuff weren't dates. That along with the realization that I cared more for you than a friend made me start to wonder if our relationship was moving forward, but you didn't want to verbalize it until after you were divorced. While I know that you have dated some since your separation, I don't know – nor should I know – exactly what that meant. That is not something that I want to know today – unless you think it will help clarify something for me."

I'm not even sure what to say. He has laid it out so clearly. If I look at it from his point of view, and that of a few others, we have been dating for over a year. As he reaches for my hand, I look up and meet his eyes. Part of me wants him to kiss me, but Andy is too much a gentleman for that. What he doesn't realize is that it is going to have to be him to make the first move. As his boss, I can't. We sit there in silence for a bit watching as the sun drops lower in the skyline towards the ocean. I let my thoughts drift back over his words where I realize that he is waiting for me to let him know that I care about him as more than a friend. "Andy," I slowly whisper. By now, I'm sure that my face has completely given away everything that I am feeling.

"Sharon, you don't need to say anything tonight," Andy reaches for my hand as I drop my head, breaking our eye contact as though he needs to be connected to me in some way. "I want to stay friends with you even if you don't want anything more. It's not going to change how I feel about you, but I respect you too much to force you into anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"Like this conversation?" comes out of my mouth without thinking. I immediately pull my hands out of his and up to my face. I hope he senses my embarrassment. It just came out without me thinking about the consequences. I sense him pulling back, so I pull my hands down and try to catch his eye. "Andy, I'm sorry. I know this is as uncomfortable for you as it is for me. I do not know what came over me. How about we just take the time to watch the sunset for a bit?" I put my hand back out and reach for his. He needs the break from talking as much as I do. I am happy when he grabs me hand and links his fingers through mine. As the sun gets lower in the sky, his thumb starts brushing mine. On previous dinners, I would have jolted out of my seat and left, but tonight I just sit back and enjoy the touch. Andy has gotten completely under my skin, but am I ready for the next step? Definitely not tonight, but maybe in the near future. I let my thumb brush his hand in encouragement as we watch the sun meet the water in silence. It seems to calm both of us as we take the time to watch the natural beauty that is out there. As the sun dips below the horizon, I notice Andy steadily watching me. This time, it does not make me feel uncomfortable like it has previously. I am falling very hard for this man, but I'm not entirely ready to start over again.

As the sun drops lower, Andy leans over and nonchalantly drops a kiss on my cheek. "Your hair is glowing making you even more beautiful, Sharon," he murmurs in my ear as his lips brush against it, sending a chill down my spine. I'm certain he knows what he is doing to me as I can feel the blush rising in my cheeks. As he grips my hand harder and moves back in his seat, I respond with a small hum.

As the last of the light leaves the sky, I turn to Andy saying, "Andy, I'm still hurting from everything over the last year – not you – but everything else. I care a great deal for you and I'm thankful that we're such good friends. Right now, I'm really scared of moving forward with anything. It has been many years since I have been in any type of dating relationship – much more if you count someone that I really cared a great deal about. There is a lot to think and talk about if we are going to take this further between work and Rusty. Can I have some time to figure out exactly where I want to go with this?"

"Of course, Sharon," he replies with a low voice. It makes the chills continue up my spine. "There is no pressure. I have told you before that I will wait for you. I have waited for over a year now and I am willing to wait as long as you need for me to. I will not bring up this up again so take as long as you need. Let me know when you are ready to continue this conversation."

"Thanks, Andy."

We continue to sit in silence holding each other's hands for what seems like another hour when I shiver. Andy immediately pulls his jacket off and puts it over my shoulders without saying anything. "Are you cold enough to want to go home or do you just want to stay here for a while longer?" he asks.

"We probably should call it a night. I want to get up early tomorrow to start the Christmas baking."

"Do I get to have any of this baking?" he smirks as he starts packing up the leftovers from dinner.

"If you are lucky," I jokingly respond as I start to help.

"Sharon, just sit back and enjoy. I wanted to let you have a completely stress-free evening. That includes not helping with dishes."

"But –"

"No, but, just sit and enjoy the waves or go take a short stroll down by the water."

"I'll stay, but I wouldn't mind a short stroll by the water before we go."

He finishes packing up and placing everything in the car as I pull my sandals off. We've been to the beach before, but this is the first time that I have wanted to just feel my feet in the sand. I don't know what has gotten into me tonight.

As we are strolling along the beach, Andy puts his arm around me and I easily just fall into being by his side with my sandals dangling off my fingers. I can smell his aftershave with how close he is holding me and it's making the chills more prominent as they go up my spine. There is no moon tonight so it is as though we are in complete darkness when we get to where Andy stops. He turns around and looks at me. I can see everything in his eyes, but I move my eyes away. "Sharon," he whispers. I swallow hard as I turn to start back, breaking whatever spell had entrapped both of us tonight. He senses the hesitation and continues to walk back with me. When we get back to the car, Andy holds the door for me and lets me slide in.

When we get to my condo, Andy insists on walking me to the door. I'm nervous, but he seems to think this is just like any other non-date that we've been on. It just doesn't feel like it to me. Something changed over the last week – particularly tonight – between us. As we approach my door, he hand reaches out and pulls the key from my hand. He wraps me in a hug and leans down to kiss my cheek. At the last minute, I move. I don't know how or why, but I do, and I slightly moan as his lips brush against mine. Andy doesn't startle, but pulls back quicker than normal as I duck my head in embarrassment.

"Sharon, I'm sorry. I meant to get your cheek," he rasps.

"Andy, it's ok," I reassure him. "I'm pretty sure that it was me who moved. I shouldn't have – I'm your boss – I can't make the first move." I move my chin even closer to my chest completely embarrassed.

"Sharon, look at me. You didn't do anything that I haven't wanted you to. It's ok. Don't be embarrassed. You are beautiful, sweet, and kind. I'll wait. As I said earlier, I want you to make the next move. You know how I feel about you. There is nothing you can do to me that I do not want you to. Can I kiss you again? Or are you ready to say good night?"

"How about another hug?" I state sheepishly. "As nice as tonight was, I am not ready to call tonight a date."

"Ok," Andy states as he wraps his arms around me. We stand there for several minutes before I reluctantly move from his embrace.

"Good night, Andy."

"Good night, Sharon."

He unlocks the door for me and hands me my keys. I lean up and kiss him on the cheek as I walk into the condo. After shutting the door, I notice that Rusty has left the one lamp on which means he has already gone to bed. I take a moment and take a deep breath as I collapse against the door. _What have I gotten myself into?_


	4. Moments of Clarity

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job (yeah for summer breaks!) while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them and part of 3.19 for the evening…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for being the one to encourage me to keep going with what was supposed to be a one-shot. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and review.

 **Chapter 4: Moments of Clarity**

 **About a month later**

The team has been up and working for three straight days with a few naps here and there. Exhaustion doesn't begin to describe where we all are physically and emotionally. My team went into a house last night and it almost collapsed on them. I can't even begin to process that yet. 'Burning Man' was walked through the murder room in pretty bad shape. Provenza said that he jumped into an "angry Julio". One more thing on my plate now… I want to get this interview with the 'Burning Man' done as soon as possible just so I can get a few more hours of sleep – most likely here – before starting the load of paperwork that this case has now generated for me. However, I am not likely to sleep between Stroh being on the loose and Julio getting himself in deeper trouble. My thoughts are just spinning so fast and I'm completely stressed out.

Andy holds back from everyone else who is walking 'Burning Man' to the interview room. It's as if he knows how much is running through my head right now. As he approaches me, I can still smell the smoke on his clothes from last night, which does little to help calm me down. I had managed to get a shower and a change of clothes, but he had not.

"If this psycho is working with Stroh, he's going to tell us," he calmly states. As he puts his hand on my shoulder, he lowly says, "Hang in there ok?" I can feel the thoughts starting to scatter as I know what has to happen next. I smile at him as I bring my hand up and place it upon his and hum quietly. That right there is all I need to get things to calm down around me. With a new sense of peace, I straighten up and enter the media room ready to listen to the interview.

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A few hours later, I'm sitting at my desk working on the pile of paperwork that our last case has generated. After knocking lightly on my office door, Andy asks, "Hey. Can I come in? I just wanted to see how you are holding up, Sharon." The sound of his voice helps calm the worry that has entered my body since finishing the conversation with Rusty. I notice that he has finally had a chance to grab a shower and change into a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved polo. Suddenly, I feel extremely overdressed. This is Andy, the man who is patiently waiting for me to be ok to say that it is ok that our relationship progresses, not Lieutenant Flynn.

Quickly, I glance towards my other door which is still shut. "Yes. Can you shut the door and pull the blinds?" I reply. I'm a little shocked with my response. However, I want nothing more right now than to have my friend give me a hug as I explain the last conversation that I had to him.

He gives me a questioning look, but hesitantly replies with, "Sure. Am I talking to Captain Raydor or Sharon?" I giggle, breaking the tense mood. He smiles, "Got it, Sharon."

As soon as Andy walked in and started shutting the blinds in my office, it wasn't lost on me that Provenza started clearing the murder room. As he finishes closing the last of the blinds, I move to get out of my chair and walk over to him.

"Hi," I say as I approach him. I'm thankful that he does not feel a need to move away right now. Things have been different since we had that lovely dinner on the beach – not different in a bad way – just different.

"You really are not ok, are you?" I respond with a small hum of acknowledgement. "Come 'ere, Sharon," as he opens his arms. I take the last few steps towards him and let him envelope me in his arms. Immediately, my entire body relaxes and I start feeling how exhausted I really am. All of the sudden the tears just start flowing. Crud! I don't cry in front of people. I usually make it home to the shower before this happens. Once it does, it usually takes a while to get everything out. There is no way that Andy hasn't noticed either so I can't just walk out of the office. "It's ok, Sharon. Just breathe," he whispers in my ear. Yes, he did notice. I just bury my face further into his chest, breathing in his scent, and try to breathe to stop the sobs that are trying to start. The whole time Andy just rubs my back and whispers into my ear telling me that everything is going to be ok. It takes a few minutes until my breathing returns to normal as I let out everything that has been building over the last few days – Rusty having to face Stroh, sending my team into a situation where they almost all died, Julio's anger issues, Stroh escaping, being unable to save the girls, Rusty being in danger again, and realizing that I almost sent the man that I have feelings for to his death. As I am able to finally get a deep breath, Andy whispers in my ear, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Just give me a minute," I whisper. I notice my voice sounds really scratchy. I take a chance to breathe a little longer. He lightly brushes his lips against my hairline, something he has been doing more frequently since our accidental kiss at my door. Slowly, I pull back and wipe my eyes. I notice that Andy is purposefully avoiding looking at me, which I appreciate more than he knows, while holding out his handkerchief for me to use to wipe my face. Still keeping his eyes on the floor, he slowly starts stepping back. "Andy," as I whisper his name he looks up. I'm sure that my makeup is completely destroyed and I look like a total mess since I have slept maybe three hours since Friday morning. "Rusty refused his security detail."

"Oh, Sharon," he murmurs sending a now-familiar chill down my spine. He lifts his head meeting my eyes, "Do you want me or Provenza to try to talk to him?"

"No, he says that it is unfair that he has to be followed around all of the time just because he is a witness, while Stroh gets to go wherever he wants. He wants to be able to put being a witness behind him."

"Are you going to be ok with this?"

I hesitate, "I don't know. Right now, I'm not. Tomorrow, I won't be. In time, I do not know."

Andy reaches out for my hand, which I let him grab and hold. "How about I grab the kid and meet you in the lobby? I am honored that you let me stay by your side tonight, but I also know that you don't want him to see you in this state."

"I don't want to go home, tonight, Andy. I mean, I do, but I don't. I'm concerned about what could be awaiting us when we get to the condo."

"Well, I wasn't going to let you drive home tonight anyway. I would worry about you making it safely home with how exhausted you are. How about I drive both of you home and I stay until you are comfortable? If you aren't comfortable, then I'll just stay tonight – on your couch." His eyes tell me there is a lot more that he would like to say right now, but not wanting to add to everything I'm already feeling overwhelmed with he is holding back from telling me.

"Ok. I'll give you a 5 minute head-start while I pull things together here. Most of this paperwork can come home with me. Can you send the text to the team that they are not to step foot in here until Wednesday? Taylor doesn't want to see any of you before then. I have a meeting with FID at 9am tomorrow so it is going to be a short night." I am really looking forward to seeing my bed tonight. I'm glad that I purchased that air mattress for when I thought all of the kids were going to be staying with me over the holidays. I'm not willing to force Andy to sleep on the couch. It will kill his back.

"Meet ya in the lobby, Sharon. I'll make sure the kid knows what tonight's plan is. Do we need to stop for anything for dinner?" As I shake my head no, he drops my hand and I suddenly feel very cold and lonely. I miss the feel of Andy's hand in mine. This speeds up how fast I clean up and put away everything from my desk. I quickly check the office and make sure that I have packed everything and turn to walk out of my office. I am able to make it to the ladies room without running into anyone since Provenza and/or Andy have completely cleared the Murder Room. I smile as I start to clean up to meet my boys downstairs. _My boys._ Maybe this can become a regular thing. I like the idea of going home with my boys at the end of a very long day.


	5. Close the Door

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job (yeah for summer breaks!) while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them and part of 4.01 for the evening…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 and several others for continuing to encourage me to keep going with what was supposed to be a one-shot.

Happy #ShandySunday! Hopefully, tomorrow will be as amazing as last Monday…

 **Chapter 5: Close the Door**

 **About Five Months Later**

" _I'm just looking out for your best interests," Andy says._

" _I've been looking out for my own interests for a very long time, Andy. And I don't need you for that," I reply._

" _Ok," he replies as he turns away. Turning around, "So what do you need me for?"_

" _Close the door. Let's talk."_

After he closes the door, I realize that this is not a conversation that we want spectators for so I add, "Close the blinds, Andy. Please." He grin gets larger, but he has to know that we're not going to talk about anything really personal here, right? We had gotten closer to needing to have a very specific conversation with Taylor and then Stroh escaped. I had to ask Andy to step back for a bit. If I was going to really let go of the threat against Rusty, it was time to start moving forward with Andy again. But for now, I need to talk to Lieutenant Flynn.

"Lieutenant Flynn, please sit down. There are a few parts to this conversation." I watch as Andy's smirk disappears and his face falls. I'm starting to realize just how right Nicole and Rusty were about office romances last December. They certainly are complicated and I have been putting parts of this conversation off for way too long.

I wait for him to raise his head so that he looks me in the eye before I continue. "The first part of this conversation is dealing with everything with Julio. You have been through many anger management sessions. Also, you are the only other person on the squad who has been suspended for your anger issues. You were not suspended as long as Julio or for what Julio did, but you still have the history and you have never hidden it from them. Julio is looking to see how you react to his suspension and your reaction is hurting some of the work that he has done while out. Your questioning of his return to the squad is effecting how this team is functioning. How would you have felt if anyone on your squad welcomed you back with the same attitude that you have shown through this case? What would have been your reaction if some showed you the same attitude when you came back? I don't need an answer, but what did _you_ need upon your return? You need to take some time and think about those questions and then figure out what you can do to help with this transition."

I haven't seen the look on his face that he has in many years. Not since after we met after the last time that I had to send him to sensitivity training. I struck a nerve. I feel awful about it especially since I know what was behind his actions this time. He cares so much and I won't let him express it. He's waiting on me.

I breathe in and out again realizing that I need to continue this conversation so we can leave tonight and finish this conversation somewhere else. I lower and soften my voice as I continue, "Andy, the second part of this conversation deals with how protective you are acting towards me here at work recently. I need you to back off the protectiveness. When, not if, but _when_ we go to report a relationship, your actions will be looked at as much as mine will." Before he can interrupt me, I continue, "I want to make this work both here and at home, but you really have to back off. Now, how can I help you do that? Just talk to me, Andy."

His jaw dropped as I let him into a little bit of what I have been thinking over the last five months. "Did you just say _when_?" I nod. "What changed?" he asked hesitantly. It's almost as if he doesn't believe what I just said. My thoughts drift back to a hurried conversation that we had over tea shortly after Stroh escaped where I asked him to back off because I couldn't handle deepening our relationship while Stroh's escape was hanging over our heads.

"This case reminded me that I can't continue to control everything that is going on in our lives. That there are situations that we have to let go of in order to continue on with our lives. Andy, I withdrew Rusty's security detail tonight. I need to let go and we need to start living our lives again. I am happy to continue with that part later, but not here at the office."

"Are you sure you are ok with dropping the security detail, Sharon?"

"Not entirely, but I will be – eventually. Now back to the question that I asked earlier, what can I do to help you be less protective of me at work?"

"I can be extremely overprotective of those I care most about – just as you are. I care about you and want to make sure that you are safe." I can tell that he is holding back for my sake.

"Are you saying that when we deepen our friendship that we aren't going to be able to work together?"

"No, I just think it's going to be something that I struggle with and we probably will fight about a few times. Think about how protective you are of Rusty. You went and put a detail on him despite him requesting none. If I had even thought you were in danger, I would not have hesitated even a minute to do the same for you. It scares me to think that something could happen to you – whether it is losing your job, someone on the team jumping the shark, or you winding up hurt physically or emotionally."

"Ok. I can see your point; however, I have been in this job just about as long as you have. In order for a relationship between us to work, we have to keep it out of the Murder Room. Do we need to not work on the same team?" I ask him a second time making sure that his eyes don't leave mine.

"No, Sharon, just give me some time to work through this. If there is something you can do to help me, I promise to tell you," he continues to hold my gaze.

"Andy, why don't you go finish your paperwork this evening so we can talk about the third part of this conversation over dinner. I think it's your turn to pick where we're eating."

"Yes, Captain. I need about thirty minutes to finish up the paperwork you love so much," he smirks as he gets out of his chair. As he walks out of the office, my gaze doesn't leave his body. _Wow! He is really looking sexy tonight and he has no idea what I'm about to drop on him._


	6. Dinner and a New Beginning

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day…

Real life, aka more doctor appointments, hospital visits, "babysitting", and driving than I care to admit, got in the way the last two weeks and left me with very little time to write. A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for dealing with my random ramblings over the last two weeks as well as reading to make sure I wasn't missing words. Happy Shandy Sunday!

 **Chapter 6: Dinner and a New Beginning**

 **Later that evening**

Andy picked a little place by the beach for dinner tonight. It's a small café that we have frequented before that is small and intimate. He knows how much I love the food and view here as we order our usual dinner options and ask for extra plates as we split the entrees like usual. He's trying to keep the conversation light as we eat dinner. We spend the time catching up on everything that the kids have been up to over the last month. It seems like just a normal dinner to him… little does he know what I have planned for after dinner tonight.

As the waitress comes by and picks up our plates, Andy asks for the check. Like normal, I reach for my purse to pay my share.

"Sharon, please, let me cover this tonight."

"Ok." I don't put up a fight. He raises his eyebrow at me questioning the fact that I am not fighting him like I usually do. "Well, I told you that some things were about to change," I continue.

"Alright," he smiles.

"Do you want to come back to my place for dessert and some tea? I made your favorite the other day. I don't think Rusty has finished it off yet."

"Sure. How about a short walk first? There is something I want to talk to you about that I doubt that Rusty should overhear us talking about."

As I get up from the table, I nod. Before I notice, Andy is behind me helping me back into my jacket. I shiver as his hand gently brushes against my neck as he moves my hair out from underneath it. One little touch and I feel like I'm going to melt. I smile at him and he moves away. As we walk out of the restaurant, I notice that he keeps moving away from me as I move closer. I know the last months have been really hard on him, but I'm hoping by the end of the night that we have resolved the tension that has been building since I asked him to back off in order to take the time to deal with the issues that came up for me once Stroh escaped. Before I know it, we have found the little pathway to the beach that Andy and I discovered about a year ago. It's well-lit, but very few people actually use it in the evenings.

"So what exactly made you decide to drop the security detail, Sharon?" The quiet way he asks tells me that he is not fishing, but is actually curious about my thought process behind dropping something that I had kept insisting had to happen in order for me to be ok with Rusty not being by my side.

"A lot of different reasons. Lisa, the victim of our last case, was so controlling that she didn't let her kids do what they wanted to do and it wound up destroying both of their lives and she lost hers. I kept wondering if I was doing the same thing with Rusty. While he didn't know that I had the protection detail, I was still trying to control what was occurring in his life by providing one separately. Also, I really hate lying to him. I promised him in the beginning that I would never lie to him. I might withhold information if it was in his best interest, but I would never lie to him. I've been feeling really guilty about that especially over the last few days when he figured out that someone was following him around campus – and it was his protection detail. I caused him to worry without him needing to because I never told him about the detail. Cooper offered to put another team on him, but Rusty just would have had other strangers following him around. He would eventually figure it out that I asked for the detail. Lastly, most of the sightings for Stroh have been in various countries in Europe for the last two months so it is not likely that he will return here without someone noticing. I need to start living my life again and not let his escape define how I live my life any more. I have started understanding what Rusty was saying back in January about living in a prison while Stroh runs free. Especially, I need to make sure that you know that my feelings towards you haven't changed in the last few months. Are you willing to give me a second chance?" I barely whisper the last question to Andy as I hold my breath to wait for his answer.


	7. Beachside Conversation

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for reading to make sure I wasn't missing words. Any mistakes are actually mine. This was actually written out old-school before being typed. Sometimes it is nice to escape from technology except when your muse hits and it takes 17+ pages to get it out. ;-)

 **Chapter 7: Beachside Conversation**

"So what exactly made you decide to drop the security detail, Sharon?" The quiet way he asks tells me that he is not fishing, but is actually curious about my thought process behind dropping something that I had kept insisting had to happen in order for me to be ok with Rusty not being by my side.

"A lot of different reasons. Lisa, the victim of our last case, was so controlling that she didn't let her kids do what they wanted to do and it wound up destroying both of their lives and she lost hers. I kept wondering if I was doing the same thing with Rusty. While he didn't know that I had the protection detail, I was still trying to control what was occurring in his life by providing one separately. Also, I really hate lying to him. I promised him in the beginning that I would never lie to him. I might withhold information if it was in his best interest, but I would never lie to him. I've been feeling really guilty about that especially over the last few days when he figured out that someone was following him around campus – and it was his protection detail. I caused him to worry without him needing to because I never told him about the detail. Cooper offered to put another team on him, but Rusty just would have had other strangers following him around. He would eventually figure it out that I asked for the detail. Lastly, most of the sightings for Stroh have been in various countries in Europe for the last two months so it is not likely that he will return here without someone noticing. I need to start living my life again and not let his escape define how I live my life any more. I have started understanding what Rusty was saying back in January about living in a prison while Stroh runs free. Especially, I need to make sure that you know that my feelings towards you haven't changed in the last few months. Are you willing to give me a second chance?" I barely whisper the last question to Andy as I hold my breath to wait for his answer.

"What do you mean give you 'a second chance'? Sharon, look at me." He gently touches my chin and turns it so that I would look directly into his chocolate brown eyes. His questioning gaze is unwavering as he stares at me trying to determine what I meant. His gaze is so intense that I can't hold it and I turn to look out at the ocean. "Sharon, just because you felt that you needed to step back for a bit doesn't change how I feel about you or what I want out of the relationship we have. I have just been trying to give you the space that you asked for to not add more demands or stress to _you_. Sharon, I want this to be something that you want, not something you feel forced into. In order to give you the space you wanted, I needed to back off a bit so that I did actually give you the space and I didn't scare or push you further away. I wanted to continue being your friend, but I did not want to put pressure on _you_ to spend time with me so I pulled back physically so you were more comfortable. You wanted to spend more time with Rusty, so I backed off asking you to have dinner as frequently as we were prior to everything. Sharon," he paused waiting until I met his gaze, "I'm not giving you a second chance because as far as I am concerned we are still on our first. You just needed some time to deal with some other things before continuing navigating this path. I understand that and am more than willing to wait for you to be ready. We aren't moving forward tonight. I want you to be sure about this before we make that step and you aren't there yet."

"But, Andy, I am ready to move forward and start living my life again." I cringe and drop my head at how whiny I sound. I'm ready to move forward this time, but something is holding Andy back. It obviously is not how he feels about me as he keeps telling me that he cares about me. Does it have to do with how I have treated him the last few months? I thought he was ok with us taking some time while I spent extra time going over all the paperwork for the Stroh sightings. Is he scared because of how I pushed him away?

When I lift my head again, he continues, "Sharon, darling, you just made a big decision today dropping Rusty's protection detail. Let's take a few weeks and see what happens – like we were in January. Then, we can have this discussion again." Sometimes I think Andy knows me better than I know myself. He knows that the worry about Rusty's safety will linger with me for a while. And he wants to make sure that I'm not rushing into this just to push him away again. He's protecting his heart from me because he is not sure that I will be ok with all of the decisions that I have made today and doesn't want me questioning if the decision that I'm not ok with is us entering a relationship. He has given me plenty of time to be comfortable with how things are going, so I can do the same for him. It's not like we are teenagers where everything has to happen now. We can wait to make sure both of us are ready for each of the next steps that our relationship might take.

"Ok. Maybe you are right and we need to try a few things out first. I just want to try out a few things to ensure this will actually work for us. Can we set-up a few small rules?" I notice his smirk when I said rules, but chose to ignore it for now. He's started teasing me about the fact that I have started skirting them more. "I can't see it not working out, but I need to know for sure."

He grins and nods. It feels like the last five months are just drifting away and I realize that we have walked out to the same spot as we did for our last dinner before Stroh's escape – before I asked him to back off and wait. The irony is not lost on me. I have the same peace that I did that night.

"I've always kept my personal and work lives separate. It's going to be hard for me to work at separating the two. However, if I don't, it's going to be too hard for me to send you into dangerous situations after we start crossing the next few steps. At work, I need for us to remain strictly professional. Next to no touching; I can't have you calling me Sharon or any other pet name. At home or out, please keep it to Sharon or whatever else you think is ok and never call me Captain. I'm hopeful that this will help me compartmentalize the difference between our work and personal relationships. Most importantly, I'm going to need you to help me navigate through this. We have to figure out how to keep the two separate from each other and the only way to do that is to continue to talk to each other. We do a good job with that already; we just have to continue."

"You are probably correct that we need to start working in that direction anyway. Some of those are habits that I probably don't even realize that I have after doing them for over two years now. I think I can handle that. It will be a learning experience for both of us. Can you help me out with that so I know if I cross the line and I will do the same for you?"

I nod. His next few sentences surprise me so much that I stop walking and just stare at him. "Are you sure you do not want me to just look for a transfer? It would save you having to report the relationship as early and you won't have to send me into dangerous situations any more. I've heard a rumor that Robbery Homicide has one of their senior people retiring. I was going to ask you about it after I made sure it wasn't just a rumor."

He actually has been thinking of transferring. Is it that he can't handle me being his boss or is it that he doesn't want to take orders from someone he could be in a relationship with or is it just to make things easier on me or does he think that I would not want to be his boss just because we are starting a romantic relationship? Would this make things easier? I would still have to report the relationship to Taylor, but it would change the timeline of reporting it. I would never be the one sending him into danger, but I would not be his back-up either. I would lose my best friend sitting just outside my office. I would lose the one person who I never have to have a conversation with before going into interview the suspect because we can just read each other that well. I would miss him. But if it is what he think is best, I will support him and his decision. "We've managed to do this so far with no issues at work. We just have to keep communicating with each other. Look into it to see if it is something you might be interested in. However, do not feel that you have to take it to make this work between us. There are going to be bumps along the way no matter if we work together or not. As long as we keep this out of work, I can't see it being an issue for me."

"I don't want to leave the team or you now. However, it might be something that would be better later on so I will check it out. And then we'll talk and figure it out. I don't want to make this harder on you. We have such a strong friendship that the next few steps should be less complicated for us."

'…[T]he next few steps'. He's thought about them. I grin as my mind jumps to the crazy dream that I had a few nights ago. It involved Andy holding me in bed after a long day and us talking until things turned much more heated. Yes, I don't think that those steps will be as issue as long as the friendship stays as the center. "It should. That brings me to the next 'rule' as you say. We need to keep the friendship first. I think we both know from the past that the honesty, respect, and communication that we have built has to stay for this to work. Without that, this will never work and we are risking way too much for this to not work."

"I agree. Your friendship means more to me than anything else. No matter what we decide in the next few weeks to months, I want to continue to be your friend. Without that, I would be lost. There have been many times over the last few years where I thought about telling you how I felt. I didn't because I wanted you to stay in my life as a friend because you were not ready for more. I didn't want to scare you away with my feelings."

I have an idea of how he feels about me, but I've told him repeatedly that they should not be expressed until we are in an actual relationship. I'm not ready to reciprocate at the moment and I don't want to make things more awkward between us. However, his comments remind me how much I need to stress the need for honesty. I don't want to make the same mistakes this time that I did in my marriage to Jack – some of those we can wait to talk about until later – but the honesty needs to be discussed now. "Andy, the honesty is really important to me as we move forward – almost more important than anything else. If you lie or mislead me or others about us, we're done. I won't deal with that again. I am trying to actually practice the lessons that I have learned from my marriage. I need to set a good example for Rusty of what a healthy relationship looks like. He has never seen it before – either with me or his mother. He still has a lot to learn about actual healthy romantic relationships. Also, I can't be blindsided again. I shut down and close off when that happens and it never ends well." I hope he doesn't ask me about that last part because I'm not ready to share exactly why I'm being insistent on not blindsiding me. It's more than just last December's misstep.

"I'm just grateful that you allowed me to have a second chance after everything with Nicole last year. I promise that I have not stated anything that would lead her to think that we are in an actual romantic relationship. However, she keeps telling me I need to tell you exactly how I feel and stop pretending that I never want anything more to develop. She thinks that I'm scared to lose you by saying something. She is right on that count, but I haven't wanted to share with her that we are slowly taking the steps to deepening our relationship. That is between us. I keep telling her we are just good friends. I don't want to have the rest of the conversation with her until there is or is not something to tell. I think you should be the first to hear my intentions – not my daughter – and we aren't there yet." He is again putting me before Nicole. This time without me pushing his hand to choose me and without entirely deceiving her. Wow!

Before I can finish my thoughts, he grabs my hand and continues. "Sharon, I promise that when I mess up, I will make it up to you – if that is groveling, apologizing, showering you with flowers, whatever it takes. Is there something that I can do to help when you start shutting me out? Or something that I shouldn't do? I will not stop fighting for you – and us – unless you telling me to and you will probably have to tell me more than once." He really is committed to making sure that this does work. This isn't just a fleeting thing. He's in this with everything he has. This is the first time that I've heard these thought with regard to our relationship. With everything else today, it is the first time in a while I have enjoyed the feeling of having a man who wants to fight for me, protect me, and who cares deeply for me. He wants what is best for me – not himself.

As I turn my body to face Andy, I look him directly in the eye and take my other hand and put it in his. "Just keep fighting for us, Andy. We'll figure the rest out as we go. As long as you keep talking to me, I will eventually come around. There might be days where I need some time to myself to think and process what is going on. As long as you keep fighting, we will get back on track." The sense of peace that I have as we stand by the ocean in the darkness might just overwhelms both of us. Andy pulls me close to him and envelopes me in his arms. I just stand there enjoying the sense of peace and the scent of him – his aftershave long-gone at the late hour that it is – and enjoying the feel of his body against mine as he holds me.

"Do you want to stay here a little longer or are you desperate for that cup of tea and dessert with me tonight? I don't think I can do both with how long a day it has been," Andy rumbles in my ear.

I am reluctant to leave his embrace. There is a peace that I haven't felt for a long time. I might just have a chance of sleeping a little more than normal tonight. "I asked you to come over for dessert so we could continue talking. I'm ok with staying here a little longer and skipping that tonight if you prefer," I whisper in reply.

"Well, I think I can skip Rusty's take on 'old people's dating rituals' tonight," he jokes. "I would much rather just stay right here with you."

We stay where we are – just feet from the ocean – holding each other tight for several more minutes before we separate to walk back to our cars. This time, he doesn't let my hand go. Maybe this will work out as long as we continue to take our time.


	8. Forgetfulness & Misunderstandings

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for reading to make sure I wasn't missing words. Any mistakes are actually mine. This was actually written out old-school before being typed. Sometimes it is nice to escape from technology except when your muse hits and it takes 17+ pages to get it out. ;-)

 **Chapter 8: Forgetfulness & Misunderstandings**

 **Less than a week later**

I had just gotten out of the shower when my phone rang. Quickly, I grabbed a towel, my clothes, and unlocked the door to the hallway as I answered my phone without taking the time to look at the caller ID. "Captain Raydor," was spoken into the phone.

"Hey, Sharon. I was wondering if I could interest you in dinner tonight. You managed to sneak out of the office before I had a chance to send you a text asking if you were interested in waiting for me to finish."

It's Andy. Part of me wants to talk to him, but I'm still miffed at him calling me 'Sharon' earlier at the office. My mind drifts back to the conversation we had less than a week ago. We need to keep communicating no matter how awkward it is I remind myself. Before I can respond, Andy breaks into my thoughts, "Sharon, if you are just tired tonight, tell me. If not, I'll see you in about an hour with dinner." He is not giving me a chance to back out tonight.

"Andy, sure. You just caught my mind spacing out tonight. I figured the team was going out with Julio."

"Nah. We offered, but he said he had something he had to do tonight before he was expected at home."

"Ok. See you in about an hour. Rusty has class so he won't be home until about 11."

"Bye, Sharon."

I sigh as I realize that I need to find something slightly more acceptable to wear for dinner with Andy. While he probably would enjoy the yoga pants and sweater combo, we do not share that type of intimacy yet. I move to my closet to pull out jeans and a t-shirt to go with my sweater.

MCMCMCMCMCMCMCMC

About an hour later, Andy was knocking on the condo door. I've calmed down a little more, but I'm still not back to the non-miffed stage. This could be interesting tonight. I take a deep breath as I open the door for him.

"Hey," Andy says as he holds a bouquet of wild flowers in one hand and dinner from my favorite Italian place in the other. "I figured the flowers might help me with the groveling later." He hands me the flowers as he walks in and goes directly to the kitchen. I pause as I look at the flowers in my hand. It strikes me that the only times I have gotten flowers from Jack were when he was trying to get something from me – usually sex or money. I continue to just stare at them and beg my mind to not go there as Andy makes himself at home in my kitchen putting dinner on plates, getting himself a glass of water, and setting the table. However, my mind is not willing to silence itself tonight. I shouldn't have invited him over without Rusty here. What does he want from me? Why can't he just follow simple rules? What am I getting myself into? This will never work.

I look up startled as Andy shouts my name standing directly in front of me with his hand on my shoulder, "Sharon! Are you ok? I didn't mean to startle you, but you were not responding to me. Why don't you go sit at the table and I'll get you a glass of wine. Or would you prefer tea?" His eyes show his concern as he takes the flowers out of my hand and starts directing me to the table. "I'll put these in water for you, too."

"If it is ok with you, I think I would like the glass of wine. There is a bottle already open in the fridge."

"I would not have offered to get it for you if it did bother me to get it for you. You have had wine at dinner many times when we have gone out. Do you want to tell me what is going on? You don't seem to be yourself tonight. You were fine earlier today at the office so what happened between when you left and now?"

I know he can easily read me, but I'm not entirely sure that I am ready to share what I was just thinking. It involves explaining more of my history with Jack that I'm not entirely sure that Andy is ready to know or will ever want to know. We've talked about some of it. He knows that Jack really hurt me, but not all the gritty details. Sharing this would cross that line. I'm not sure we're ready to do that, but how do I say that without him thinking that I don't trust him or I'm not going to be honest with him. Before I know it, Andy is putting my glass of wine in front of me and the vase of flowers on the table. Without thinking, I pick the flowers up and put them on the kitchen counter so they will be out of my sight, with my back to them, for the evening. He looks at me questioningly, but doesn't say anything waiting for me to say something to clue him in on what is going on.

"For now, can I just leave it as some of my history with Jack coming back to haunt me today?"

"As long as you promise to talk about it later – either tonight or another time – so I know what I did to hurt you and cause this type of reaction." I nod as I sit back at the table and pick up my glass of wine and take a sip.

Andy senses that he needs to start the conversation with dinner tonight to get my mind focused on something else. He starts by telling me how he called Nicole the other day and the kids answered instead because she was in the shower. He tells me about the lighthearted conversation that they had and about the various topics they talked about. It allows me to sit back and listen as we start eating dinner. As normal, about halfway through the meal, he grabs my plate and switches it with his – something that has become much more commonplace recently. It started when we couldn't decide on what to order for dinner one night and figure out that we were debating between the same two meals. He is doing his best to keep the conversation light as we are eating, but I can tell he wants to talk about something by the questioning look in his eye. He is keeping a very close eye on me tonight. I take a deep break realizing that I have to start the hard part of tonight's conversation.

"So Julio talked to the team today?" I try to keep the question very open since I do not know what was revealed. Julio and I have become closer since his suspension. I have even attended a couple of his counseling sessions with him.

"Yes. He told us about what caused his wife's accident and how he lost his daughter. I feel like a real asshole for how I have treated him over the last few months. You know what was at the root of his anger issues, didn't you?" His tone is matter-of-fact, not accusatory, and doesn't expect an answer. "It was why you encouraged me to talk to him and work with him. We stayed and helped him unpack his desk the rest of the way tonight."

"Good. He needed the bonding time with you without me around to facilitate it this time. Just keep talking to him, ok?"

"Is this from Sharon? Or my boss?" Andy jokes. I notice that he makes sure to not use my title tonight.

"Sharon. Right now, we're in my home." The light mood of the evening evaporates with my reply.

"Alright. I'm sorry for calling you Sharon at work today. I realized that I had done it without thinking and tried to correct it immediately. However, I think my correction made it worse though by drawing attention to it rather than just letting it go. So when I slip how do you want me to handle it? Do you just want me to let it go? Or do you want me to correct it like I did today?"

"I think you are correct with it making it more obvious. Mike and Buzz picked up on your correction really quickly. I take it you caught their looks, too. How about you don't correct it, but deal with the Darth glare instead?"

"Ummm… The Darth glare probably would not be a good idea." When Andy does not elaborate, I raise my eyebrow. "Do you want me to tell you why? You may not be entirely comfortable with the answer."

I feel the color start to rise on my cheeks. "What? You think Darth is hot?" The grin that crosses his face answers my question and I just shake my head trying not to giggle aloud. "So how do you want me to bring it to your attention so that you know?"

"Sharon, you don't need to. I'll see the slight panic in your eyes the same way that you will see the guilt for messing up in mine. If I miss one, just tell me in private. We'll work it out."

"Ok. I can deal with that."

"I am sorry I made you uncomfortable today. That's why I stopped to get the flowers for you tonight. I wanted to do something nice to show you how sorry I am – not upset you more. I feel like I just keep messing this up today."

"Andy, you aren't. It has to deal with my past – not you."

"I don't want to pressure you to share, but I am curious. Can you tell me why the flowers upset you so much tonight? It doesn't have to be tonight, but at some point."

I pause before I answer. He's right. He does need to know exactly why I reacted how I did. "Yes, but I'm going to keep it very general. The past needs to stay in the past – not be part of what we are working towards – but the past influences how I react to various situations and you deserve to know why I reacted that way tonight. How about we move to the living room? Just leave the dishes, we'll get them later."

As I sit and think about how much I am willing to reveal, Andy gets up and stands behind my chair waiting for me to acknowledge him. I nod and he pulls my chair out so that I can get out. His hand makes it to the small of my back as he silently gives me support while guiding me over to the couch. It's as if he understands just how much the thought of this conversation makes me uncomfortable, but it is a conversation that we need to have if things are going to move forward. And it probably will not be the only time where one of us has issues with the past. It's just the first that we've had as we have started developing this into more than a friendship. Andy is my confidant and I have already trusted him with so much so I can do this. He needs to know. Unlike other nights recently, we sit on opposite ends of the couch. I'm thankful for the space that he is giving me, but I miss having his body close to mine.

"Why did me bringing you flowers upset you? That is what caused you to space out earlier tonight, right? Or was it something else?"

"Mostly it was the flowers. It just didn't help that I had been miffed at you since you slipped up in the media room earlier." I pause as I look him directly in the eyes before continuing. "Jack only would bring or send flowers to me if he wanted something." I hope that the lack of what I am saying is telling him enough for him to draw his own conclusions.

"If you don't mind answering, was it just anything or was it something specific? Sharon, I don't want to make assumptions here that's why I'm asking. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't need to answer."

I swallow hard before I answer him. "Usually money or sex." I notice the flash of understanding cross Andy's face.

"So you think I brought you flowers today because I wanted to have sex with you?"

"I did tell you Rusty wouldn't be home until late –" before I can finish my thought Andy interrupts me.

"Sharon, my goal is never to make you uncomfortable. I want to tell you why you have nothing to worry about. First, I don't plan to _ever_ have sex with you. When the time is right, I want to make love to you and with you. Second, we're not dating. Are we working towards it? Yes, but we're not dating so I would never ask you if you wanted to. I respect you too much to expect that to happen _when_ we are dating _ever_ – much less before we even are. Third, flowers to me are a way to show that I care about you, that I cherish you, and that I want to make you smile. Fourth, the only thing I want from you is for _you_ to enjoy spending time with me – however _we_ choose to spend our time together – we _not_ me."

As he calmly explains what he was thinking, I start to relax for the first time since he walked in. "Ok." I want to say more, but I can't figure out the words to use to explain what is going through my head and heart. The look that he is giving me tells me that he knows and understands. It surprises me how frequent and easy it is for us to communicate without words.

"We have had dinner here without Rusty before. Why did you think that tonight would change what has happened previously? Was it just the flowers?"

I can't hold his gaze anymore so I look down at my hands which I'm not able to keep still. "No, I'm starting to realize just how much I am physically attracted to you so I don't know if I could stop if you initiated anything. However, I'm not ready for the physical part of the relationship yet." I whisper my answer so that it is barely audible to my ears. I can't look at Andy as I realize that I just told him something that I'm not even willing to admit to myself. I need to change the topic before I reveal more to him and myself, but I have a lingering doubt. "So you really did not expect anything by bringing me flowers today?"

"Sharon – look at me – the only thing that I expected or wanted tonight was to spend time with, eat dinner with, and talk with my friend. I had hoped that you would listen to and accept my apology and that we would talk through that. I did not expect to bring up past issues with you tonight by bringing you flowers. Had I known that, I would not have stopped to pick them up even though I really wanted to. I will not ever purposefully hurt you. We both realize that being in a relationship means that we will unintentionally hurt each other because of the past. It will happen, but we just need to talk through it like we did tonight. Your past relationships do not scare me. They made you who you are today and that is someone that I care a lot about. I promise that no matter what you tell me, I will only use the information to make sure that I don't hurt you further. You seem to need time to process things tonight. Do you want to watch a movie while you wait for Rusty to come home or do you want me to leave?"

I know that he is doing everything he can to not hurt me. We've talked many times about how talking through problems is the only way to successfully navigate them. I don't want him to leave, but I don't feel like watching things explode and the tension in the room is too high for a romantic comedy. It would be nice to do something where it requires him to hold me to have the small physical connection that has been so comforting recently. "What about dancing instead?"

"Sure. How about you deal with the dinner dishes while I rearrange this room to give us a little more space?"

"Andy, I can move my own furniture! Is this your way of 'keeping me in the kitchen'? You know that I'm not the princess type," I tease him.

"I know, but I also know how much having a messy kitchen annoys you. I just figured it would be faster to start if we both had our own tasks. Did I ever tell you my favorite part of you being in FID?" he teases me back.

"No, I don't think you did."

He starts by reminding me of a joint crime scene that we investigated a few years ago describing in detail about how much he enjoyed the "Wicked Witch" showing up to the scene. I start laughing as I clear the table. Tonight seems so domestic and normal. I have a brief flash of the future where both of us are just sitting and talking in the evenings surrounded by a few grandkids. _Maybe this can work without completing upending everything._


	9. Change of Plans

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for reading to make sure I wasn't missing words. Any mistakes are actually mine.

 **Chapter 9: Plans Change**

 **About a week later**

"I'm sorry that I'm late. Judge Grove asked me to stay for a conversation after he gave his decision," flows out between me gasping for breath from running from the courthouse. I had told Andy that I should be able to be here by 5 for dinner tonight. It's now close to 6pm as we were delayed in starting with the Judge.

"Sharon, relax. It's ok," he replies. "It's not like I don't understand your job. What did he want to talk to you about?"

"First, he told me that I needed to remember my professionalism when it comes to Rusty and I need to do a better job of letting him live his life and make his own mistakes. Then, he started asking some very pointed questions about some rumors that he had been hearing. I really don't want to talk about that now."

"Would you be more comfortable if we didn't have dinner out tonight? I can stop and pick something up on the way on the way to wherever you want to go – your place, my place or just go hang out by the ocean again. It's up to you."

"Our reservation is probably gone by now. How long is the wait tonight?"

"Well, I made our reservation for 6:30 just in case things took longer at the office than we thought they would. I figured if we were early tonight, we were ok to get a table quicker, but not later. It is up to you."

"Oh." It really is going to be my decision tonight. Do I want to eat in a restaurant that will have lots of people around or is it easier to just go to one of our homes in order to actually continue with the conversations that today's meeting made me realize that I needed to have with Andy – especially if the rumors have already started going through the courthouse? The conversation that we need to have needs to not occur in public. There are too many ways that it could be misinterpreted by anyone who overhears any part of it and the last thing I need is for it to get back to Taylor. "Well, I guess we need to eat. Will this be quicker or will that little Italian place by yours be quicker? I'm suddenly having a strong craving for their carbonara with extra bacon." I hold his gaze to let him know that it's not that I don't want to be seen out in public with him, but that I have a lot that I need to talk to him about – not in public.

"Sharon, here are my keys. Just let yourself in. If you go in my room, the bottom drawer of my dresser contains a few t-shirts and gym shorts and sweatpants. Something in there should actually fit you. You left your sweater at my place the other night. Make yourself comfortable. I'll pick up dinner on the way home and we'll spend however long talking that you need to tonight. You said extra bacon, right?" I shake my head yes. "Do you mind if I get it on the side so we can still split dinner?" I shake my head no. In less than thirty seconds, Andy has once again read my mind, put it at ease, and changed plans because I don't feel comfortable with the original plans. Not only that, but he wants me to go into his bedroom without him being home and help myself to his clothes. I won't do that, but it is really quite sweet of him to offer. "Sharon?" I hear Andy whisper my name as if he doesn't want to jar me. "Are you ok?" I pull myself out of my thoughts and realize that he is holding his keys out for me to grab.

"Sorry, Andy, I got lost in my thoughts."

"You know we don't have to do this today, right? We can do dinner some other time if you want to go home instead."

"No. I just need a little time to think."

"If you are sure."

"Yes, Andy." As I reach to take the keys out of his hand, his lips brush against my hairline and he quickly pulls back.

"I'll see you at home then."

As I start to walk back to my car, the complexity of the simplicity of what just happened hits me. Andy seemed to realize that I needed to talk more than we needed to "go out" for dinner tonight. He volunteered to change his plans, not caring that we were changing plans at the last minute, in order to make me more comfortable this evening. Not only did he suggest that we change plans, but he was making the offer for me to be as comfortable as I needed to be without having to take the time to go home first. To me, it means everything that he can read me without having to entirely state what is actually going through my head. It's as if he knows me better than I know myself. That with the small ways that he wants to keep physically showing me that he cherishes me makes me wonder just what I'm getting myself into. While it might seem simple to the outsider, it is actually extremely complex and completely unexpected at this stage.

By the time to I arrive at Andy's place, I am starting to feel the effects of the lack of sleep over the last several months. Today was an emotionally draining day – on many fronts – and I am half-tempted to back out of dinner tonight. However, I have Andy's keys and I cringe at the thought of having to go home and make dinner tonight. I sigh as I get out of the car and am thankful that I remember the pair of flip flops that I have in the car trunk. I might as well stay for dinner. This is not my first trip to Andy's, but it is the first time that he has given me his keys to let myself in without him being here along with the first time that it wasn't pre-arranged beforehand.

As I walk in, I stop and take a moment to just look around. The place is just as immaculate as it usually is when I visit. I smile as I notice that my sweater is neatly placed on the back of his recliner so I pull off my jacket and switch to the sweater which smells like Andy. I don't let my thoughts dwell on that as I take a moment to remove my shoes so that I can strip off my hose and put on the flip flops. Strangely, I feel as comfortable here as I do at home. I notice the blanket that has become a staple on the back of his sofa. He has noticed that I frequently get cold in the evenings so has started keeping it on the back of the sofa. I move into the kitchen to get glasses, plates, and silverware out and set on his dining room table. Feeling like I have at least slightly contributed to the meal, I go and sit down on the sofa pulling the blanket around me. Before I know it, my eyes are drifting closed as the exhaustion takes over.


	10. Heart-to-Heart Conversation

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 and ProfTweety for reading to make sure I wasn't missing words and helping me rewrite this chapter multiple times. Any mistakes are actually mine.

 **Chapter 10: Heart-to-Heart Conversation**

It takes me a moment to figure out where I am as I slowly wake up to the strong smell of garlic and the muted sounds of the Dodger's game. As I fully wake up, I realize that I actually fell asleep on Andy's couch and my head is currently resting on his shoulder while his arm is wrapped around my shoulders.

I am so comfortable where I am so I am loath to move too much, but know I can't stay here all night. "Hey," I whisper as the game goes to commercials and I start to move to get off the couch.

"Hey. Are you hungry? I put your dinner in the oven to keep it warm. Just let me go get it for you," Andy places his plate on the coffee table and starts to get up.

"No, I'll get it. Is the salad in the fridge?" I need the couple of minutes to regroup anyway and I can stall if I need more time in the kitchen. I wonder just how asleep was I that I never even heard him come in. I certainly was not expecting to wake up in his arms tonight when I agreed to dinner tonight. While it is slightly uncomfortable, I realize the discomfort is due to it being new, not Andy. I find the half salad in the fridge and put it on the plate that I grabbed from the dining room. Then, I grab the pot holders to pull the rest of dinner out of the oven. Andy picked up the carbonara with extra bacon for me. It doesn't take me long to get it on the rest of my plate along with the garlic bread that he picked up. I take a couple of moments and breathe in and out just to make sure that I am fully relaxed before we begin this conversation. I pick up my plate and turn to walk to Andy's sofa since he has already started eating his dinner there.

As I approach the couch, Andy rises to let me move around him as he turns off the TV. I try to not notice as my hips brush against him as I move past. As I sit next to him, I notice Andy is studying me as if he is debating his next step. "You were ok before the meeting with the judge but something happened there that you alluded to earlier. What happened to unsettle you today, Sharon? What rumors did Grove talk to you about?"

I just look at my plate. I really wanted to eat first, but now I do not have an appetite. "Can we just watch the game until I'm finished with dinner?"

"Sure. Are you ok watching the Dodgers or did you want to watch something else?" Andy quickly drops the conversation which surprises me. I figured he would press me to answer his questions.

"The Dodgers are fine. What's the score?"

"Still tied at 0."

I hum in response as I take my fork and run it through the pasta. If I just keep twirling it, then I won't finish dinner and we won't have to have this conversation tonight. My mind keeps wandering as it remembers that we have agreed to continue to communicate with each other no matter how uncomfortable the conversation may get. We've done that as friends and we need to continue to do it if we are going to deepen the friendship into something more. I barely recognize the fact that I am still twirling the pasta on my fork or that Andy was watching me as I did.

"Sharon, you do know that playing with your food won't change the fact that we will have this conversation tonight, right?" I just hum in acknowledgement. "I'm giving you until the end of the inning and then we will talk. You would not have brought it up earlier if you didn't want to talk about it today, so I'm not letting you get out of it." I just hum in response as I drop the pasta off my fork and start working on my salad.

Thankfully, the Dodgers decided to have a big rally in the bottom of the third inning. It gave me a chance to actually finish eating my dinner and to make a cup of tea for both of us. I'm not looking forward to this conversation, but we have been putting parts of this conversation off for at least the last six months and it needs to happen. As the water comes to a boil, I pick the tea pot off the stove and pour the water into two mugs. I feel Andy come up behind me as I finish putting the tea bags into the cups. As I stare at the bags, I take a couple of deep breaths. As he puts his hand on my lower back, I realize that I need to start this conversation.

"Want to grab your cup and sit at the table with me?" I ask hoping that we can have this conversation facing each other rather than sitting next to each other.

"Sure. Let me start the dishwasher first though."

I pick up my mug and slowly walk to the table. Tonight is making me realize exactly why it took Andy as long as it did to tell me about Nicole's assumptions about our relationship. I didn't have a choice on correcting Judge Grove, but it was still hard and I'm not looking forward to where this conversation will lead with Andy. I know we're not actually dating. I'm not ready for any formal declarations, but we are very much on the line with regards to professional standards at the moment. After tonight, I can no longer state that I have never slept at his place despite the fact he wasn't even home when I fell asleep. I really hope that Taylor does not hear the rumors and decide to launch an investigation into my relationship with Andy. I have had to be the one to ask those questions before and Andy would be livid with some of them. My answers wouldn't come off as sounding innocent either.

"So what rumor did the Judge want you to confirm for him that unsettled you as badly as it did today?" Andy asks as he enters the dining room.

I hesitate in answering by taking a sip of my tea before replying and double check to make sure that Andy is not drinking before I answer. "He wanted to know if the rumors were true that I was dating a subordinate officer and wanted to make sure that I knew that my professionalism was being called into question with more than just the whole situation with Rusty."

"Ok," Andy replied as he sat down at the end of the table closest to me. "Did that upset you because we are close to not being able to deny that we're dating or because you are part of the rumor mill around the courthouse?"

"Both," I sheepishly reply. He really does know my thought process a little too well at this point.

"Ok. Is it just that you are part of the courthouse rumor mill or that _we_ are part of the rumor mill?"

"I'm not entirely sure. I really don't like my personal life crossing with my work life, but it does concern me that our relationship is being speculated by others. That could have dire consequences for both of our careers."

"I think yours more than mine. _My_ direct superior already knows unless you have changed who I report to without telling me," Andy jokes. In a more serious tone, he continues, "Are you ready to define whatever is going on between us or do you still need more time?"

"No. I'm not ready."

"You know that we could still report it to Taylor. There are many, many reasons that I do not want to tell him – even when we have to. However, I'm willing to tell Taylor tomorrow if it helps make _you_ more comfortable."

"No, I'm not giving him anything that he could go and spread around the entire legal system of LA before we actually decide which direction we are going. Wasn't it you who told me back when I was investigating the leak within the division that the quickest way to get a rumor started through the legal system was to tell Taylor?"

"Yes, you're right. Since you wrote that part of the manual, how fast do we have to let Taylor know once something does start?"

I study my cup of tea as I answer, "It's supposed to be as soon as possible after the relationship changes. It gets a little more specific with the timeline if there is sex involved though."

Andy chokes on his tea. I should have actually looked at him while I let that piece of information out to make sure he wasn't in danger of choking. I don't think he was expecting me to be that blunt. I have a history of being very uncomfortable when talking about sex, but it doesn't bother me any more when talking about it with Andy. I file that thought away to ponder further at a later time.

I smirk at Andy, "Are you ok?" When he nods, I continue, "At this point, I don't think we're going to have to worry about that part of the policy manual though. I'm not the type of woman to have sex on the first date nor do I think you will pressure me into a more physical relationship than I want. Besides, I really want to take it slow when we start to cross that line especially since it has the potential to blow up if it does not work out."

"So we are not putting you or your position in jeopardy by not saying anything to Taylor at this point, right?"

"No. I'm not having sex with you and we are not dating – yet."

"Then we need to not say anything to Taylor – yet. I'm not looking forward to telling him anyway. He's a little too smug about some things."

"I think it will be so much fun to watch his reaction to probably what is one of the most uncomfortable and unexpected conversations that he would ever expect to have with me. As uncomfortable that will be for both of us, it will be a lot more uncomfortable for him especially if we play him just right."

"I still don't want to have to do it, but you want to, so I will. Besides, what you just hinted at that could be fun, hard, but fun." The smirk on his face and the twinkle in Andy's eye tells me that he might be onboard for reporting the relationship and following the rules for a change.

"Promise that you will make sure that I know if I start acting in any way unprofessional towards you. I might notice, but I probably will need to have you reign me in a bit."

"Sharon, I doubt that I will ever think that you are acting unprofessional towards me. It just isn't in you."

"Well, I can be full of surprises." The statement came out a lot flirtier than I ever meant for it to, but I do see his point.

"Yeah. I doubt it, but sure, I promise that I will call you on it if you actually cross that line. I think it is more likely that I will be upset with you and then bring it into work. You know how hot my temper can get some days."

"Andy, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, but I think we're both adult enough to keep it out of work. We've been able to separate our friendship from work or at least talk about it in a responsible manner. Why would that change with a change in relationship status?"

"It shouldn't but that doesn't mean it won't."

"No, it doesn't, but I have faith in you to actually do the right thing. You have changed so much in the past few years. I am not worried about you bringing something into work. If I was, I wouldn't even be entertaining the idea of being in a dating relationship with you now. My concern is what if we start dating and then decide that it's not working? I don't want to lose my best friend. What if we make this step and we were wrong? Is it worth losing our friendship over something that may not work out?"

"Sharon, look at me." He waits to continue until I have looked him directly in the eyes. "No matter what happens, I will still be your friend. It means a lot to me, too. I would not be risking our friendship if I didn't think there was something greater that we can explore and that we're going to be awesome at it. How many times have you told me that it takes _two_ people to make something not work? I'm not planning on ever giving up on this and you are not the type to give up without a fight. Are we going to hurt each other? It will happen, but we'll take it one step at a time and we'll figure out how to make it work between us. I do not doubt that we're going to make mistakes, but I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. After I start dating you, there is very little that would make it so I stop fighting for you."

We spend the next few hours talking about the various hopes and fears for furthering our relationship along with the various expectations for each other. We discussed how and when we would let various people, like Taylor, the kids, friends, and the team, know when things were moving forward. It was also agreed that I would let him know when I was ok with moving things forward, but that _he_ had to be the one to do the asking. By the time we finished, it was well past midnight and I was thankful for my catnap earlier that evening. I left promising to call him when I got home so he could get ready for bed. _This is something that I really want to continue. I think it's time to take it up a notch._


	11. Conversation with Rusty

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 and ProfTweety for reading to make sure I wasn't missing words. Any mistakes are actually mine.

 **Chapter 11: Conversation with Rusty**

"So you still aren't dating Lieutenant Flynn, huh?" Rusty asks me as we are walking out of the PAB to the car.

"No, Rusty, we're just good friends." I want to ask him what prompted this line of questioning, but I have a feeling that I already know. Andy has mentioned a few times in the last week that he has been enjoying the flirtier side that I have been showing. Today, I couldn't resist teasing him as he had to cancel our dinner plans to do the ride along with Buzz.

"Ok. Whatever you say, Mom. You know you have increased the number of times per week that you two aren't dating, right?"

I just shake my head and continue walking to the car. I am not about to have that conversation with Rusty. Andy and I had agreed that we would first tell Taylor when things "take off". Then, I would have the fun of telling Rusty. Andy had offered to do it with me; however, I think it will come better if Andy isn't present as I'm not entirely sure of his reaction. While he seems ok with it when he thinks we're dating, something tells me that he's going to have a much different reaction when things actually move forward.

"Are you still hungry for dinner? Or did you eat too much cake earlier?"

"Dinner sounds good."

"What besides hamburgers do you want for dinner tonight?"

He smirks before answering, "Hamburgers."

It's not the first time we have had this exchange in the last three years either. It takes everything in me to not roll my eyes at his sarcastic response. "I guess that means that I get to pick whatever I want then."

"Only if you and Flynn are dating." I groan as I get into the car.


	12. Flirting 102

If I owned these characters, there is no way that I could put into words what actually happened on last night's episode and I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day…

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 and ProfTweety for reading to make sure I wasn't missing words. Any mistakes are actually mine.

As a fair warning, I report back to work on Monday. The following Monday, I get students again AND start grad school classes again. Updates will be few and far between from now until next August when I finish my Master's degree. Unfortunately, RL has to come first for now.

 **Chapter 12: Flirting 102**

Tonight's plans have changed so many times that I do not know where I am actually supposed to be. Originally, Andy and I were to have dinner together, but those plans were changed a week ago when Buzz asked him to go on patrol with him. I should have known that it would not be a "normal" night when I saw that Provenza was going to go with them and that I would be called back in.

When I got the call from Buzz's watch commander, Rusty and I have not even been in the condo a full five minutes with dinner. He proceeded to explain that Flynn and Provenza did not see a need for a roll out, but that Buzz suspected suspicious circumstances with the body that they found. Nothing good ever starts with Flynn, Provenza, and a body, even if tonight they did attempt for me not to get called in. I sigh as I realize that the dinner I just picked up isn't going to be eaten by me tonight nor am I going to get a chance to take the long bath that I had planned. Rusty actually surprised me and did pick my favorite place, but there is no way that I can eat it while driving to a crime scene or eat it here and risk losing it at the crime scene. I shovel a few forkfuls in, put the container back in the fridge, and shout to Rusty that I've been called out as I grab my work stuff and walk out the door. At least I hadn't had a chance to change out of my work clothes tonight.

MCMCMCMCMCMCMCMC

By the time we finish up the scene, interview a few of the wedding guests, get back to the PAB, fill out all of the paperwork to go with our evidence, and complete the initial leg work of the investigation, it is well past midnight. As most of us have worked a full day before our evening was disrupted, we are all exhausted by this point. As each team member finishes their report of the initial findings, I am sending them home for the night with the plan to be back by 8am. As I finish up my end of the paperwork, I gaze out at the bullpen. Andy clocked out over thirty minutes ago and despite reminding him of wanting to make sure he got some sleep before the game tomorrow, he stubbornly told me that he wasn't leaving until I did tonight.

By the time I finish my end of the paperwork, it is after 2am. I am thankful that Andy has stayed to walk me to my car. While I can certainly take care of myself, it makes the parking lot seem a lot less creepy. I don't have a lot of energy left and actually have to stifle a yawn as I finish packing my bag for the evening.

Walking over to Andy's desk, I have a small surge in energy and I smile as I notice that he has fallen asleep. I gently place my hand on his shoulders to nudge him awake as I whisper, "Ready?" I can tell when he starts to become conscious of my presence beside him as he gets the crazy grin on his face that he only uses towards me. "Are you ready to leave?" I repeat my question so he can actually hear it.

"Yes," he replies as he grabs my bag out of my hand. "You seem a lot quieter than earlier tonight."

"It's a little late, don't you think?" I jokingly reply.

"What are you talking about? I think I dropped you off later than this after dinner yesterday," he jokes back. "Besides, I think the Captain decided to take the day off today. At least that wasn't the Captain in the murder room earlier tonight because I know the Captain would not have been flirting with me that openly in front of others."

As we walk towards the elevators, I continue to tease him. "Really? Because I just think she might have especially because she wasn't on duty. Kinda like she's not on duty now." After pressing the button to call the elevator, I turn around and stop in front of him almost making him run right into me. I grin and turn to enter the elevator that has just arrived.

I barely hear Andy mumble as I get into the elevator, "Evil wicked witch."

 _It sure is a lot of fun to tease Andy._


	13. 4th of July Wedding

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day… As a fair warning, I get students AND start grad school classes again tomorrow. Updates will be few and far between from now until next August when I finish my Master's degree. Unfortunately, RL has to come first for now.

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 and ProfTweety for reading to make sure I wasn't missing words. Any mistakes are actually mine.

Happy Shandy Sunday!

 **Chapter 13: 4** **th** **of July Wedding**

" _Okay. Now we've heard enough. Andrea, what do you think?"_ I ask as we finish listening to Stu Slone confess to killing Danny Egan.

" _If he agrees to eventually write all that down, Mr. Sloan may participate in the marriage ceremony and stay through the first dance with his daughter, provided the police escort him every moment and he doesn't try to get away,"_ Andrea answers from the doorway to the Media Room. Internally, I groan at what exactly these terms mean for us – no Dodger game – but I keep it off my face as I had Plan B created before I left the condo this morning.

" _Mr. Sloan, do you agree to the very generous terms offered to you in front of your family by the State and witnessed by the L.A.P.D.?"_ Secretly, I have my fingers crossed like I'm back in junior high right now that he won't agree to what I just asked.

" _I do,"_ Mr. Sloan replies.

" _Then by the power vested in me by the State of California, I will allow you to attend your daughter's wedding, and we will go with you,"_ is my response.I can't quite wait to see his reaction to the fact that the entire team is going.

" _More guests?! Oh, jeez. Hey, don't expect the steak or lobster. It's chicken or nothing."_

Mrs. Sloan replies, " _Oh, no, no, no. We also have some salmon and a lovely vegetarian offering."_ At least there will be something for Andy to eat. I just hope that we can get the uniforms to bring Mr. Sloan back and book him so we can accomplish Plan B tonight.

As she's walking out, Dana asks, _"Do you think that there's any Valium left? Because I only need three."_

" _Well, Officer Watson. Your first 24 hours in the Reserve ranks has been very interesting. And productive. Congratulations."_ I am very proud of the way that Buzz conducted himself last night. Despite the two senior officers trying to handle it their own way, Buzz insisted that procedure be followed and still called his watch commander.

" _Thank you, Captain. I hope everyone still feels that way while we're missing the game."_ Buzz looks really guilty about the fact that he is the one who found the case that is causing us to miss actually enjoying the seats at Dodger's Stadium.

" _Oh, we are not missing that game,"_ I reply.

Back in the Murder Room, I pass out the assignments for covering the wedding. Julio and Amy are driving Mr. Sloan to the venue. Then, I walk into my office to grab my purse and cell phone as Andy waits to drive me along to the venue. As Andy drives, I call Rusty and tell him to take the money out of the drawer and to take the list of snacks off the fridge needed for tonight's festivities. Thankfully, he had already seen the contingency "to do" list so I didn't have to specify too much of what has to happen with the condo. We are not missing this game.

While we're not dressed in the black tie attire of the majority of the guests, we don't stand out as cops either. Andy and Julio were tasked with escorting our guest of honor while he freshened up. Meanwhile, Amy and I had the pleasure of waiting for him with the bridal party. I had Amy step into the room while I waited for Andy and Julio outside the suite. As they arrive, I catch Andy's eye as he turns Mr. Sloan over to me. For a moment, I have a brief flash of the same scene happening many years down the road with Emily as the bride awaiting her father and step-father. I shake my head as I escort Mr. Sloan into the suite. I nod to Amy that she's ok to leave and to take Julio to get situated downstairs with Andy standing outside the door. I try to stay on the perimeter of the room as I watch the group put the finishing touches on Lisa. When her parents ask for a few moments alone with the bride, I step aside as the bridesmaids and friends leave. It doesn't feel right to be listening to this very personal exchange between the parents and daughter. I let my thoughts wander as I try to avoid paying attention to the words her father is telling her. It was in a similar room two years ago that I got to meet Nicole as a bride. I wonder if Andy will be next to me the next time I'm in a bridal suite or if Emily will not want him to partake in this type of intimate environment or if Andy would not be interested in being part of it either. As I check my phone to ensure everyone is in their places for the start of the ceremony, I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

As we exit the bridal suite, I smile at Andy and continue on my way to find two seats at the back of the wedding. The plan is for him to escort the bride and her father until they start walking up the aisle and then he'll slide in the pew next to me. It won't be the first wedding we've attended together. I seriously doubt it will be the last one either. While this is not exactly the events that we were planning for the fourth, it might just turn out better than we had planned especially if there is dancing involved. Besides, I like weddings.

As we stand to watch Mr. Sloan walk his daughter up the aisle, I feel Andy walk up and stand next to me. I reach out and brush my fingers against his hand as I did at Nicole's wedding. He reaches back and does the same to me as we take our seats. It would be so easy to just hold his hand, but I'm hesitant about his reaction, that we're both on-duty at the moment, and we still have not defined anything between us. I notice his tie is slightly askew so I reach up to straighten it for the second time in about twenty-four hours; however, this time it is not out of place due to me.

The wedding goes through without a hitch and is quite the lavish affair that has been talked about last night and today. It's beautiful to see two people declare their love and promises before each other in such a public way. My hope for the couple is that they manage to remain faithful to their vows and build a lasting relationship over the years.

As the bride and groom walk up the aisle after exchanging their vows, I turn back to Andy and smile as I catch him staring at me. I might have successfully upped the game in the last week. We slowly make our way to the reception trying to avoid what would be awkward conversations with how we know the bride and groom, leaving Amy and Julio with the wedding party as they take more photos.

The reception hall is very large and beautifully decorated in the bridal colors. It obviously is an expensive wedding. The wait staff is bustling around making sure that everyone is getting their fill of the champaign, sparkling cider, crab balls, shrimp puffs, meatballs, and other hors de vours. Since we are relatively secluded with where we are standing on the edge of the ballroom, it might be time to call Andy on the fact that he has been staring at me non-stop since he joined me at the wedding.

"Is there something wrong with what I'm wearing, Andy?" I whisper in his ear so that others can't hear me. My tone is a lot flirtier than I thought it would be. I notice the slight blush that appears on his cheeks that will be unnoticeable to everyone else in the room.

I watch him swallow hard as he backs away from me, "No, Sharon. I'm sorry."

I giggle. I have found that Andy prefers a direct approach so I don't think twice as I move closer to him and continue the conversation. "Humm. Then would you care to say why you keep staring at me?"

"You need to ask, my dear?"

I feel the heat rising in my face and I hope that it isn't noticeable. "Hummmm. Well, I believe that someone told me to make sure that I never assumed anything because I might not draw the correct conclusion."

Andy leans into me and whispers very quietly in my ear, "Well, my dear, you are the most beautiful woman in the room tonight. I am looking forward to holding you on the dance floor later because you owe me a dance after dragging me to this instead of the Dodger's game tonight."

I really hope that no one from the team is paying any attention to us as I feel the heat rising strongly through my face and neck at his comments. This is suddenly getting very uncomfortable for me. I need to walk away before I do anything that could disrupt the delicate balance that we have at the moment. "Well, I guess you will have to ask me later," is my flirty reply as I turn to walk away to check on the rest of the team.

Thankfully, we are all spread out through the reception hall where dinner is being served. I make small talk with those around me and state that I have a professional relationship with Mr. Sloan when asked how I managed to be invited to this wedding. I'm thankful for the spot in the back of the room so that I can watch everything going on while not having to talk to anyone. Thankfully, we are only required to be here through the father-daughter dance. Then, we just have to escort the father of the bride out to the patrol car that is waiting and we are going back to my condo to watch the game. While we won't make the game at the ballpark, I am making sure that we watch it tonight – complete with appropriate food and beverages.

As the first dances get started, I let my thoughts wonder. I like weddings, but tonight's wedding being the first that I have attended since my divorce along with Andy's flirting has put me in a very reflective and contemplative mood. I'm starting to second guess a lot of my recent decisions. I enjoy spending time with Andy both inside and outside of the office, but do I really want to risk what we share now for the possibility of developing it further? Or will this relationship turn out like all of the other prior relationships with me getting hurt in the end because the guy decides to leave? What is it about me that causes them to always leave? Am I really the cold-hearted ice queen? Can I manage to not make the same mistakes as I did in my relationship with Jack with Andy? Are we going to be able to continue to develop our relationship while I am still his boss? To quote Nicole, how will I deal with him romancing me in the evenings and still boss him around during the day? How is Andy going to react to that? We've already talked about him being too overprotective of me and have successfully moved through that, but will it revert back as we become more intimate? I'm brought out of my thoughts and back to the present as a hand is laid on my shoulder causing goosebumps to appear down my spine.

"May I have this dance, Sharon?" Andy rasps in my ear as he extends his hand for me. Just having his hand on my shoulder and whispering into my ear is enough to make all of my doubts vanish. I grasp his hand and let him help me up from my chair as the smile from earlier today reappears. We slowly make our way to the dance floor as I notice that the rest of the team has left the reception hall. Once we get to the dance floor, Andy quickly grabs my waist and holds his hand out in order to guide me carefully. It doesn't take long for me to relax into his embrace and rest my head on his shoulder as I have the previous times that we have danced together. We dance through three songs before it changes to something more upbeat. Andy seems as reluctant as I am to let go, but we need to get back to the condo anyway as the team will be descending to watch the game. Thankfully, we both know a shortcut to get back to my condo so our delay in departure shouldn't be as noticeable to the rest of the team. Andy and I walk back to my table for me to grab my purse and phone before leaving. As we are walking out, he lightly takes my hand in his as we walk back to his car.

 _It just might be worth trying to see what happens in this relationship as we decide to deepen it._


	14. Conversations in a Parking Garage

If I owned these characters, I would not be working a full-time job while finishing a full-time graduate program. I am just borrowing them for the day… This update was brought to you by my inability to figure out how to access the data stored in the cloud that came with the textbook that I'm using to learn SAS so I can start my paper that is due. Updates will be few and far between from now until next August when I finish my Master's degree. Unfortunately, RL has to come first for now.

A special thanks to gingersnapped907 for reading to make sure that this actually makes sense. Any mistakes are actually mine.

 **Chapter 14: Conversations in a Parking Garage**

I'm thankful that Andy had convinced me to leave my car at work and let him drive to the wedding and back to the condo. I hope that the time that we were able to take dancing at the wedding made up for Andy's disappointment at not being able to see his beloved Dodgers play. I am thankful that he hasn't complained to me about the fact that we had to attend the wedding. Over the past few weeks, I have noticed that he doesn't seem to care if our plans get interrupted or changed as long as he was able to spend a few quiet moments with her. The wedding has put me in a very reflective mood – not the talkative, flirty mood – that I have had over the last few days. All of the sudden I have a ton of doubts about this dance that Andy and I have been involved in for the last couple of years. What if we take this dance to the next set of steps and it all comes crumbling down? How will I be able to still work with him or view him as my best friend? Will he even want to be my friend any more after finding that I might not be everything that he wants?

"Penny for your thoughts," Andy offers as he reaches over to lightly touch my hand. I didn't notice that we were already parked in my space at the condo.

"It's nothing, Andy." I pause for a moment before reluctantly continuing, "I just haven't been to a wedding since Nicole's."

A glimmer of understanding immediately appears in his eyes as he moves his fingers to hold my hand that he was already touching. "The first wedding is kinda like the first holidays following a divorce only worse. It made me too reflective about how everything had gone wrong between Nicole's mom & myself. We both know that I was the one who really screwed things up. I promised that if I ever decided to go down that road again, that I would really work hard with my partner to ensure that the mistakes weren't repeated. It takes two people to make a relationship work, Sharon. Without both parties trying to make it work, it doesn't work. You can't try to make it work all on your own. You know that you can tell me anything at all, right? Sharon, it's not going to change how I feel about you or anything else."

"Did you really mean what you said in the Media Room earlier today when the bride and groom were talking to each other?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know what you are referring to, Sharon. What did I say?"

"That there should be no secrets between couples."

"Yes, Sharon, I think that couples shouldn't have secrets about what is currently going on in their lives. It helps if there are no big secrets in their past that could come back to haunt them either."

"Oh. I'm not entirely sure that I feel the same way."

"Does that mean that I need to know every little detail about your past? No, but it is helpful to know if there is something from your past that could affect how you view something that I do or say now. Think about when I brought you flowers a couple of weeks ago to apologize and it didn't entirely go as I intended it to. I wouldn't want to do something similar to you that could have larger consequences. We were able to talk through it, but what if in the future we aren't able to? Or I do something that were to bring back a trauma that you experienced in the past? I want you to feel safe me and never doubt my intentions towards you. I care a lot about you."

"Andy, do you have doubts about moving forward?"

"Yes, I do, but not for the reasons that you might think. Sharon, look at me." He waits until my eyes meet his before continuing, "I don't want to upset the apple cart and lose my best friend."

"I don't want that either. I'm scared that I will be the one to mess up our relationship."

"You aren't the only one. Besides, I think it would be me ruining things not you. I know you won't give up on me. Actually, Provenza gave me a hard time today. Basically, he said that I needed to get off my ass and ask you out on a real date and quit dragging the team to tag along just because I didn't have the balls to do it."

"Oh. You know I can't help you with that, right?"

"I'm well aware. How about we get out of this car and get up to your condo and change into something much more comfortable before the rest of the squad gets here?"

As we leave the car and start walking towards the elevator, I lean into his touch as his hand makes its way toward my back leaving the heaviness of the conversation in the car.


End file.
